A tale told by an idiot

Today, I made the decision to take a Facebook sabbatical. Not all social media, just FB. I have friends who live in other areas that I still want to have some contact with and the internet is, right now, the best way to do that. Facebook has long been the refuge of psuedo-news and half-hearted activism that does little more than give me anxiety. Current life choices have left me feeling a little overwhelmed. I don’t need any more things I can’t directly control. Actually, I really just need to understand that control is not going to be a tool I can use for quite some time. I think FB exacerbates that urge, though.

The other things is that I have a lot of time on my hands and recently have felt myself slipping back into bad habits. My job, though busy and often-times socially difficult, kept me engaged. It was a social venue. I’m not a particularly extroverted person and having a people-centric job kind of did away with the guilt I felt around not being social. Now that I’m often alone, that whole system is defunct. I find myself sitting on the couch, lobbing ideas into cyberspace, desperate for a response, and constantly refreshing pages for a stream of new content. My brain is bored and I know that only boring people are bored. It’s frustrating and the next three weeks loom vast, grey, and infinite.

Crafting is an option, although I really don’t want to create more waste. We just got rid of a bunch of stuff in the house and we still have a ton of things taking up space. Soon, there will be more nonsense that will take up space and 8 collaged canvasses aren’t going to help in the long run. I guess crafting would be better if the items were small or self-contained or if they served a legitimate purpose.

Obviously, I could try and write more. That is supposed to be what I “do” and all. It’s just that I feel like I’m doing it a disservice if I can’t do it “right” or “well”.

Reading is something I’m gravitating back towards. It’s easy to trick yourself into feeling well-read when you scour the internet for quick and easy content. But I feel the need to commit to something more long term than an article.

Truthfully, the issue is less boredom than it is fuel. Underneath all the anxious laziness is a real need for replenishment. When talking with F, my suggestions for her concerns have been centered around giving back to the body and nourishing and providing, etc. While not bad advice, I wonder how much of it is me projecting. Quiet, solitary times can be incredibly fulfilling if used wisely and intentionally.

Turning inward for growth.

Turning inward for growth.

Except, at times, the internet is the antithesis of that. It’s the cliched sound and fury, signifying nothing. Adding to the deafening stream only exhausts us. It does not bolster. To utilize another sound and fury reference, the Internet can make Quentin Compsons of us all if we do not work to reintegrate with our physical lives from time to time. Listen to what the body is saying, allow it to work our emotional and spiritual aspects to produce something worthwhile.

That being said… I still don’t know how to begin.

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